Would You Hire Me?
18+
“resilient
/rəˈzilēənt/ adjective
(of a person or animal) able to withstand or recover quickly from difficult conditions.”
February 2024
“Thank you so much for letting me know, and I hope you have a good day,” I said as I feel the smile on my face fall. Someone once told me that people can hear you smiling over the phone and so I do, even in the wake of bad news I wanna make sure to appear strong and eliminate any sense of pity I will start to feel for myself. I was just told that the role I was being offered had been removed from the team’s budget. Apparently, a part of the company’s corporate team found a way to put all the responsibilities I was supposed to have and dumped them on the team. Leave it to corporate to put extra work on those already underpaid and cut costs where they can. I waited a week and some change to start this job and after two weeks of being unemployed and turning down other opportunities, it’s a waste. However, what stood out to me when I interviewed for this job, was when the manager was worried that I had moved jobs around a lot and that this role would be another stop on the “tour.” He asked “8 jobs in 10 years, why all the movement? And how do I know you’d be committed to us?” I’m gonna be honest, it threw me off. It actually kind of pissed me off. I remember answering with some kiss-ass excuse because I am a people pleaser and that will be my downfall when it comes to any career I have. What I wanted to say was “Well to be fair, some of the jobs I lost were out of my control. Through that, I learned when I wasn’t wanted, how to trust my intuition more, and when it was time to go.” I then would ask “Why not the movement? I have had the privilege of holding different roles that helped me grow, I work hard, and I learn fast. And if past employers saw that as enough of a commitment. Why can’t you? All of the jobs I had I kept for almost a year to two years and I learned everything I needed to in that time. Forgive me if I felt like it was no longer serving me anymore and when given the choice to leave even the pay couldn’t keep me from moving on to a new experience that would enhance my personal and even professional growth.” I know if I said any of that I wouldn’t have won him over. It’s never good enough, whether you’ve worked for 10 great companies for 2 years or less, or you’ve worked at only one decent company for 1000 years. They also expected that I read up on decades of history about the company and want the job for more than a paycheck. I understand that you have to at least like the job and even the company you work for, but hell I wouldn’t have applied, got dressed in a nice outfit, and driven my ass to an interview if I wasn’t interested or at the very least intrigued by the company. Sue me if all I need is money, that doesn’t mean I am not willing to do the job. If you offered me a livable wage, it may even dare I say it… motivate me to do an exceptional job. Maybe they didn’t want me so they made up an elaborate excuse to get out of hiring me. Or actually, companies just suck and if you won’t make their money then you’re not valuable. Well, it may just be business for them but for me it’s rent, it’s food on my table, it’s the new tube of lip balm for my luscious lips. You should see me right now, I am looking out my window at the trash guy, wondering how much that job makes. I could collect trash, cut to me running the trash compactor into the side of a building. What the fuck am I gonna do? Not to toot my own horn, but getting a job has always been easy for me, for some reason I feel a shift in my attitude about it. I call my best friend, Daniela, D for short to relay the news. “You said that you weren’t even excited to start this job.” she continues “Think of it as a sign that something bigger and better is on its way to you, I just know it is. I am manifesting it for you.” She said with the utmost confidence in her voice as she consoled me in this time of turmoil. She did comfort me, but I’m not too convinced that something better was on the way. She was right about one thing, I by no means wanted to or was excited to work with the company. It had nothing to do with them actually. It was the fact that I really and I mean really… want to get out of retail. I am not even sure why I tried so hard to interview for the job, I guess it was the desperation for income and the immense inconvenience I feel being unemployed.
Truth be told, after getting fired from my last job I realized that I wasn’t where I wanted to be at 28. Well, that’s not all true, it was just the career part of my life. In ways, getting fired was almost like a sign to finally close that door. After almost 10 years of retail, I don’t even know where I’d turn to or what else I would be good at. It’s like I put all my eggs in one basket. With every personal interest I decided my job was more important over, every birthday I worked, and the holidays I missed, I kept watching my eggs break. I gave two years of my time and energy to my last job and certainly let them crack whatever was left in the basket. I am still right where they left me to pick up whatever I can while they moved on. I know I will hatch new eggs, the shitty part is that they’ll go into another basket. One that I will have no control over. I will keep giving and giving to it, always scared that one day the person holding the basket will decide to drop each egg from the top of a 1500-story building. I know it sounds dramatic, but it’s true. I simultaneously feel envious and the ick when people tell me how much their job takes care of them, and how they’ll retire with the company they work for, or when all they talk about is how much they love their jobs. Envious, because I have never felt this way about any job I had. The ick, because I don’t necessarily believe the tone in their voice and the words leaving their mouth. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve learned a lot from each job I’ve had, I gained incredible skills and made beautiful friendships and connections. But how is it fair that I have to tattoo the company name on my forehead? I already give 40 hours a week, 8 hours a day on my feet, I’ll show up and do the job that is in the description, and not to be cocky but I’ll do a kick-ass job too and all you have to do is pay my bills, give me health insurance, and fund my life. That should just be it, nice and simple. Once I clock out I should not hear from you, I shouldn’t have to go above and beyond and sacrifice my well-being to prove to you that I can do the job.
Once I am out, I wanna have a face mask on, be in nothing but my underwear, have a pint of chunky monkey, and watch “13 Going on 30.” At 19 I ate up the gaslight gate-keep girl-boss lifestyle, but as I get older I’m not buying into it. I keep thinking of this one time when I was having sex with my partner and I want to say it was around 10 or 11 at night and my boss called and of course, me thinking it was an emergency I picked up. “Hey Steven, sorry to bug you.” he said “No worries, what’s up?” I asked while hearing Steven sigh both understanding and of disappointment from the time the call would take away from us. “Well so and so left a passive-aggressive closing email that stated you and I weren’t coming in tomorrow and it was not communicated with them so there will be no closing lead… I wanted to make sure you didn’t call out for tomorrow…” All I thought was “Are you serious?” “Nope, I am still coming in,” I said then he mumbled some other stuff but at that point, I just wanted to hang up. He interrupted my sweet lovemaking with my soon-to-be beautiful husband to debunk a very unimportant misunderstanding that could have been handled the next day. Let alone, WHY THE HELL was he checking work emails OFF THE CLOCK? That would annoy me the most. If there was one thing that I didn’t budge on and will never by any means was logging into company emails on my personal device. Shit can wait my guy, I pitied him for how invested he was and anyone who makes their job and the company they work for their personality. And if you’re wondering, the email was not passive-aggressive, he just had personal biases against some people cause they didn’t like him. Cry me a river.
If any of this has offended you, then I think it’s time you reflect on your priorities. You are more than your job, your career is not your life… it’s a part of it. How long will it take until you realize you’ve allowed your whole life to pass you by? How much can you give until you’ve exhausted yourself? If getting fired has taught me anything about work, it’s that they will most certainly not die for you, so why should we die for them? Realistically, I know that my eggs will have to go into a new basket. I may not be happy with it, but if there is one thing I can live with, it’s knowing that it doesn’t have to be permanent. I’ll find something, and I’ll allow them to break my eggs, fuck, they can fry them sunny-side up and eat them if they want. But once they’ve gotten to that very last egg, pushed all my buttons, and split the very thin thread they hang on I will leave. I will pick myself up, and move on. I will find a new basket that will repeat the cycle. I’ll do it until something bigger and better presents itself to me. Something that allows me to create a basket of my very own, where I’ll put my eggs safely in and I’ll get to nurture them instead of watch them break.
Having said all of this, would you hire me? I have eggs ready to go, and bills that need to be paid.
