It should come as no surprise that nothing goes anywhere with James. Through careful observation, and multiple sources, I find out he is straight. Once that was confirmed, I didn’t tell anyone of how I felt in worry of humiliation. It was challenging not having Aleia my best friend either, she decided to stay with her dad in Pennsylvania for high school. And while we still talked, it’s wasn’t like how we used to. I had to pretend to be a girl when I called her because her dad was really strict about her having no guy friends, and it was even worse if they were gay ones due to his beliefs. We had to code our conversations so he didn’t know we were talking about boys or anything else that would go against the rules he had for Aleia. I’ll admit it was fun, but I couldn’t ignore our differences, different timezones, different schools, and the most important difference I felt was the fact that I was still fantasizing about straight boys, while she was experiencing what it was like to actually be noticed by straight boys, she even started talking to a boy.

Especially my very first real life, not a celebrity, brown hair, and blue-eyed crush, Mark. He had the 2009 Justin Beiber haircut and mainly wore skinny jeans, a shoelace for a belt, and a white t-shirt. The first time I saw him was in gym, he hung out with the kids that intimidate me. (One of them being the girl who called me weird on the bus.) Mark was all I thought about. We have some interaction in gym, and he’s actually quite nice to me. I felt like he’d be the perfect person to share a first kiss with.